From When Harry Met Sally to Bridget Jones, many rom–coms show the ‘nice guy’ getting the girl.
But despite what we’ve been shown on TV and movies, there may be little truth to this, according to a new study.
Researchers in Sweden have found that real–life nice guys are less likely to be in a relationship than bad boys.
In their study, the team found that traits like agreeableness are less desirable to women than traits like assertiveness and overconfidence.
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The findings appear to contradict the general on–screen trend, where good guys seem to have better luck with winning the girl.
Instead, the results suggest that shows like Mad Men and Gossip Girl, whose central characters – Don Draper and Chuck Bass, respectively – are bad boys, are more realistic.
‘Agreeable men were less likely to have a partner,’ study author Filip Fors Connolly, a professor of psychology at Umea University, told the Times.
‘But an assertive, extroverted man may get positive responses when approaching potential partners.’
In the hit American TV series Gossip Girl, ‘bad boy’ Chuck Bass, a promiscuous womanizer, is played by English actor Ed Westwick
In the 1998 film, John Lynch plays Gerry in ‘Sliding Doors’ opposite Helen (Gwyneth Paltrow) – a duplicitous bad guy having an affair behind her back
For decades, both the ‘bad boy’ and ‘nice guy’ tropes have been a classic of TV and films of a romantic subject matter.
The ‘bad boy,’ usually the Alpha male, has a confident, extraverted and strong demeanor and isn’t afraid to treat women mean to ‘keep them keen’.
But he is also prone to showing negative tendencies, such as dishonesty, disagreeableness, manipulativeness and even some psychopathic traits.
Typically the exact opposite, the nice guy is open, honest, kind, attentive, funny and agreeable – and often has better overall success of winning and keeping the girl.
On–screen nice guys include Tom Hanks in ‘Sleepless in Seattle’, Hugh Grant in ‘Four Weddings and a Funeral’ and Colin Firth in ‘Bridget Jones’ Diary.
Meanwhile, bad guys include Jamie Dornan in ’50 Shades of Grey’, John Lynch in ‘Sliding Doors’ and Ed Westwick in ‘Gossip Girl’.
To test the stereotype, researchers sent 3,800 adults in Sweden, Denmark and Australia questionnaires to assess their personalities.
Specifically, participants were tested for levels of the ‘big five’ traits – openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness and neuroticism.
‘Nice boys don’t kiss like that’: In Bridget Jones’s Diary’ (2001), romantic hero Mark Darcy (Colin Firth, pictured) wins out over bad boy Daniel Cleaver (Hugh Grant)
Nice guy Charles (Hugh Grant) in ‘Four Weddings and A Funeral’ is affable, witty and meek with an inherent awkwardness
Good guys and bad boys: Typical traits
GOOD GUYS
- Agreeableness
- Openness
- Conscientiousness
- Selflessness
BAD BOYS
- Extraversion
- Dishonesty
- Narcissism
- Selfishness
Participants were also quizzed about their relationship status, and, if they were in a relationship, how satisfied they were with it.
The results revealed a negative correlation between men being in a relationship and having the ‘nice guy’ trait agreeableness – an umbrella term that includes empathy and patience.
In other words, the more agreeable a man, the less likely he is to have a partner – suggesting nice guys struggle to even get the girl.
Meanwhile, extraverted men – typically a bad guy trait with displays of confidence and sociability – were significantly more likely to be in a relationship than less extroverted men.
Also, men who showed neuroticism were less likely to have a partner too – although this could arguably be a bad guy trait as well as a good guy one.
The new study, published in the Journal of Research in Personality, showed different patterns in women.
In contrast, more agreeable women were no more likely to be in a relationship than less agreeable women.
Interestingly, women who scored higher on neuroticism were slightly more likely to be in a relationship.
Nice guy Sam Baldwin (Tom Hanks) in ‘Sleepless in Seattle’ (1993) is a sweet, funny, recently widowed Chicago architect
Overall, confidence, assertiveness and dominance may still be thought of as attractive in men, while things like empathy and emotional warmth may be more desirable in women.
The researchers stress that agreeableness isn’t a bad trait for men to have once in a relationship, just that agreeable men are less likely to have a partner – a subtle distinction.
They also point out that their sample consisted of less than 4,000 adults across only three countries, so there could be vast cultural differences worldwide.
‘Our focus is on common patterns across thousands of people,’ Professor Connolly told the Times.
‘None of this determines any single person’s relationships or their quality.’
Another study has found that agreeableness is more strongly related to financial hardship, further suggesting that ‘nice guys finish last’.
What is the Big Five model in psychology?
The big five model is the most widely accepted personality theory held by psychologists today.
The theory states that personality can be boiled down to five core factors, known by the acronym OCEAN:
– Openness: Describes a person’s willingness to try new experiences, curiosity about the world, and imagination
– Conscientiousness: Reflects traits like orderliness, reliability, and the drive to achieve goals through careful planning and persistence
– Extroversion: Refers to how energetic, outgoing, and sociable an individual is, including how much they seek company and stimulation
– Agreeableness: Involves attributes related to cooperation, trust, compassion, and a considerate nature toward others
– Neuroticism: Measures emotional stability and the tendency to experience negative emotions like anxiety, mood swings, or irritability
